This Is Me
This is my blogchalk:
Singapore, BP, English, Malay, Rik, Male, 16-20.
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Monday, September 22, 2003
Hey...
I made a new blog...
http://drumgroovy.blogspot.com
The reason I went over to blogspot is that over there, I can be much more expressive. Over here at blogdrive, my blog looks like thousands other users' blog. So... doesn't give me an identity.
Update your links please... thank you! :)
Posted at 2:14:28 am by drumgroovy
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Sunday, September 21, 2003
I found out that my sister owns a blog. And I read it.
The entries were all so sad, so not the sister I can see right now. I guess that's the thing with me right now too. She mentioned that Tracy right now is so busy with schoolwork and all that stuff, that she rarely calls my sister to talk anymore, much less go out. And she said she wanted the old Tracy back.
As I do. I want the old Edward back. The Edward who doesn't think about 'exploiting his youth before it runs out'.
I guess people are wrong when they say Leos are all the same. The reason Danny and I are the same is because our family background is the same. We're almost all alone in this world. And we have been so devoid of love when we were younger that... all we need is someone in the world right now.
And when I read my sister's blog, it struck me that she's so much alike me. Because why? Not because of horoscope or whatever... It's because we were brought up in the same house. And it affected us both. We both have this need for strong love. And the way I see it... maybe I should start talking to my sister about relationships. Because from the looks of it, she really needs someone to talk to. She really does.
And so do I. I really do.
So, my dear. Go enjoy your youth while it lasts. And for me, enjoying my youth means being with someone who I love. So, I'm enjoying it right now. So don't worry about me being in a one way open relationship or whatever... Just enjoy yourself.
Posted at 4:38:24 pm by drumgroovy
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Saturday, September 20, 2003
I'm thinking of taking a long blog holiday... longer than my previous ones.
I think I'm only gonna update a few times a month... And the next time where I'm really gonna continue religiously is after my exams, which is after November.
Thanks for the comments, and wish me luck for my exams!!
Signing off...
RIK
Posted at 2:31:12 am by drumgroovy
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Wednesday, September 17, 2003
My 11th month anniversary is now over...
Spent it alone... But hey, Edward's gonna make it up to me tomorrow. We're going out to watch a movie... Jeepers Creepers 2. I hope it's good... From what I saw, it's good. But haven't heard anyone's review yet...
Well, wasn't really into this month's anniversary anyways, because next month's anniversary marks our 1st year together. Got a gift from my bf, which was a collage of our pictures together. So sweet... I love it. I still have no idea what to give him for next month's though. I know I have to give something... But I have no idea what. I'll think of something.
I hope I come up with something.
Posted at 1:32:25 am by drumgroovy
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Monday, September 15, 2003
Before going to sleep last night, I called Edward just to say I love you. I know it sounds like a Stevie Wonder song, but hey, it's a nice thing to do.
Was thinking last night and I thought, if I really love him, would I even think twice about being with him? Definitely not. So I'm really not gonna let such matters interfere in my relationship. But my dear, you being like this will really change everyone's perception of you. They won't know you as a decent and quiet Edward anymore. But I guess only I know you inside out. And you don't really seem to bother about what people think about you. Do you?
I just hope that in the future, when you grow older and look back, you don't regret what you've done, like what I am doing right now. I hate my past, which is why I want someone right now, so that I won't revert back to what I was in the past. And I guess I should be thinking more positively from now on.
I don't know if I'm only saying this right now, and then a few days or weeks later I go back to my usual self. I don't know what to do anymore...
Love is so complicating... AND LIFE SUCKS.
See, I just said I'd be more positive and here I am bitching about life.
Ugh... whatever.
Posted at 4:24:59 pm by drumgroovy
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Daniel Bedingfield -
'I don't wanna run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand'
Just got out from a early morning shower, crying inside. I wanted to cry in the shower because I didn't wanna see my tears. But I guess that move was useless, because I'm still crying now. It's been awhile since I cried because of my relationship, but now I'm starting to rethink everything. I told him I was ok with him going out with chasers and all that, just so I don't know, it'll be fine. But he asked me a really solid question... Now you say that... but how will you react if one day you found out that I was going out with someone?
I stopped to think.
Unfortunately, his assumption is right. I know I won't be able to take it well, because the person who supposedly loves me is doing this to me. And if that ever happens, I will definitely know he doesn't love me, because he's defying me in the worst way possible. And you know, try to deny it as he might, we ARE in an open relationship. It has gone to this. We're not even a year old and we're in an open relationship. He tried to deny it, saying it's not an open relationship, but face it. I'm giving you the green light to have fun with anyone, and you're giving me green light too.
That's already an open relationship. In which both parties don't mind their 'lover' to go fool around with other people outside. He kept denying it, but people whom I chatted with made it clear that we are in an open relationship. Something you told me you would never want in the past. But your excuse would be, people change. You changed. Yes you definitely did.
I don't believe in open relationships because you might as well be a sex buddy. You're no better than a sex buddy. You're just one of those people outside who I have sex with. Just that you have 'special' feelings for me. But not 'special' enough for you to stop having sex with other people. That kinda thing.
While I was chatting on the net way months ago, I chatted with some people, in their late 20s. When I mentioned that I was 19 and Edward was 18, they always mentioned that we're a young couple, nothing is gonna work out, you're still young, either you or your bf are gonna rethink about the whole relationship and complain that you haven't had 'fun' yet. But I told them... NO. We're very much in love and neither me nor Edward was going to do things like that. I guess I owe them an apology now. They're right. I guess they know better than me.
To stay or not is a really hard decision... and I have to make it really carefully. It's all up to me now. Edward doesn't care... He even asked me casually... So you wanna break up? As if it's nothing at all. This is my side of the story. Go call him and ask for his side. I don't wanna be the bad guy here. I'm HIGHLY misunderstood. All Leos are. Including Faizal.
If you wanna hate me for posting this, go ahead. If you wanna break up with me for posting this, go ahead. You've mentioned alot of times that there is only a certain point a person can reach. A certain limit a person can take. Mine is reaching. And I don't know if I can stay in this relationship or not. Like Whitney Houston said before, 'I'd rather be alone than unhappy'.
Posted at 4:07:35 am by drumgroovy
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Sunday, September 14, 2003
After being to crappy Phuture, Taboo was like heaven to me! Well, it was almost heaven though. I really think Taboo should overhaul their entire ventilation system because the cigarette smoke was really burning up my eyes. And I for one know that cigarette smoke and air conditioned air does not mix well. It will really irritate your eyes to no end. AND I HATE THE FEELING. I actually felt like digging my eyes out just to stop the irritation.
Overall, today was much more better than any night because this is the first time that I can really appreciate it for what it is. I never thought there was going to be a club that would be much more crappier than Taboo, but there is. And it's called Phuture. It looks happening... the crowd was awesome, but it was boring. No cute guys to look at, no gayboys, I can't act gay aka myself, and worst of all, I couldn't kiss Edward. *SIGH* Boring. Absolutely boring. And there was this caucasian lady dancing so close to me... people would swear that we're together...
Our actual aim for tonight was to make a farewell party for Hafiz, who will be going into NS this Tuesday, which coincidentally is Edward and my 11th month anniversary. We're nearing to one year! How exciting is that. Although it has been on and off sometimes... we're still here now, and most importantly, together. Well, I don't want to write so much mushy things right now... save it for the 16th of October.
Posted at 5:37:29 am by drumgroovy
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Saturday, September 13, 2003
Yesterday was a mix of fun and... disappointment. Well, mostly fun though. When to the beach with all my friends... and boy, was it a blast. Never been to the beach with them as a whole, so I didn't really know what to expect. It wasn't that bad... everyone appreciated my cooking.
Didn't go to recording and pissed of my guitarist really bad... I don't know where we're going from here... Is he gonna hold a grudge against me? Will he imagine as if nothing happened? Hmm...
Added new photos into my online album, but unfortunately, only my friends can view them. If you're really keen on seeing those photos, please email me your YahooŽ username and I will reply your email telling you that I have added your username to the list of people who can view those secret albums.
Check out those cool photos man...
However...
I went clubbing later that night to Zouk. And... DAMN. Is sucked like hell. Went to Phuture which sucked totally, unless you are a real hiphop enthusiast. Not only was it boring... people were rubbing their asses, cunts, dicks and whathaveyounot on me. And everyone. Sucks. I'm never ever going to phuture ever again. Zouk, on the other hand, was different. Edward didn't want to stick around at Zouk because he complained that the music was too fast. But Phuture was too crowded, packed and boring. I would rather Zouk than Phuture. Period.
OR... I would rather HENDRIX, the place for small kids, then Phuture, a place full of chinese poseurs. Ah well... Life's Like That.
Posted at 5:39:44 pm by drumgroovy
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Thursday, September 11, 2003
I went back to his place, to pick up my things. My guitar, my clothing... everything that was there. I really and honestly thought this was over. Well, he kinda sweet talked me into things... and before I knew it, he kissed me.
I tried to retreat, as much as I didn't want to, but he force me back. I submitted... and I asked him...
Is this your way of saying we're back together?
His answer: Yes.
I asked: Why? Why do you want me back?
His answer: I love you.
That answer really hit me there. I told him never to act impulsively again... I can't turn my feeling on and off like that... It really hurt me. If he does this again... I don't know if I can go back...
Posted at 3:01:37 am by drumgroovy
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Tuesday, September 09, 2003
First, a 'FUCK U LA', then, before I knew it... 'We're Over'.
Well, I found this quote, 'Love Is A Gift, Not An Obligation'. Meaning that if the love isn't there anymore, there's no point in begging and forcing because it's not sincere. So since I found that quote, I told myself that if ever Edward was going to ask for break up again... I will never beg. I will offer some resistance... but I won't beg and won't ask for a patch up ever again.
Because I love Edward. He knows that. I don't know if he still does. Since he initiated this, only he knows whether he loves me or not. So I won't do anything. If he comes back, then it's ok. If he doesn't... then I'll just have to live with it.
* Whispers to self: 'Don't cry...' *
It was fun. I was so anticipating 16th October because it's our one year anniversary. But now, it's just another day. Another day that I can spend alone. But the past 10 months has been fun. It's been a blast. I haven't had that much fun since my serious relationship with the girl that dumped me 4 years ago after a 3 year relationship. That's how my life goes... I always get dumped.
Typical.
Posted at 11:39:28 pm by drumgroovy
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